What I Wish I Knew: Parenting Edition
Adaptive clothing, buying NPCs, and actionable daydreams (Issue #302)
As a step-guardian of a 10-year-old, every day is awash in the feeling of: “wow, I wish I knew that!” More so because I had never anticipated becoming a guardian in the first place; falling in love with my partner was a package deal — a happy accident but also a bumpy ride.
I’ve been drafting a Medium story about my own experience, which features one piece of wisdom that I would’ve told my old self: Don’t treat kids like a blank slate. The more you respect their agency and approach their behavior with curiosity (rather than just instruct or guard them), the more you’ll not only foster a healthy relationship — you’ll actually enjoy it.
On Medium, parents and guardians share similar lessons every day. In Susan Poole’s reflection of things she wished she knew before becoming a mom, she doesn’t only talk about her regrets — but about how thankful she is that she prioritized self-care:
“I managed to maintain some semblance of self without short-changing my family. I see how that balance has impacted my children. They’ve learned how to be independent and compassionate and to work hard to achieve individual goals while caring for others.”
“Before I had children, I was a perfect mom,” says Seconde Nimenya, MBA, in her story about parenthood, making me laugh out loud. She reflects on getting rid of that imaginary and futile perfectionism: “Don’t raise your child to be perfect, because you’ll quickly find out that you’re not perfect either.”
To care for a brand new human is to help them embrace their identity. Dana DuBois shares hard-won advice about parenting a child who is questioning their gender identity, especially about navigating healthcare (ask the pediatrician if they are inclusive before making any appointments) and taking the time to learn the language. “The nuances are important, and we owe it to our kids to understand the vocabulary around gender.”
For some, becoming a parent may not be a possibility (either by choice or circumstance). For this perspective, I recommend the publication Life Without Children. One story that has stayed with me: In describing what she‘d tell a friend about not having kids, Colleen Addison shares a beautiful metaphor about how living a childfree life nurtures a different kind of growth, pain, and beauty:
“It is the moment the gardener realizes he has birthed another sort of plant, how his is unique among millions of others, how his harvest will be striking and perhaps unwanted at the market. It is the way that idea is sad, unbelievably, inexplicably sad, and the way that it is not.”
Whatever your relationship to parenting may be, there are stories here that can encourage, inform, and empower. Consider contributing your unique expertise into the mix — what do you “wish you knew”?
🤿 Jumping-off quotes
- “Features like magnetic buttons made dressing easier for those with a disability who find traditional buttons a challenge, and materials chosen for comfort and functionality for wheelchair users were just the beginning. Fashion, I learned, was more than just high-fashion spectacle; it was also about inclusivity and practicality.” — Isaac Harvey MBE, on his experience modeling for two adaptive clothing brands.
- “If you like a game and you want the studio that made that game to have more chances to make more things, then you have to grapple with the business realities behind all of it at some point. You have to be okay with supporting them with your money.” — Alex Rowe, on purchasing pettable animal NPCs in Assassin’s Creed Shadows.
- “What’s new, my man? You just turned forty? Wow, you don’t look a day over forty or a day under forty. You look exactly forty.” — Alex Baia, in my LMAO Pick Of The Week.
💭 Your daily dose of practical wisdom
Daydreaming is not the same as being distracted. “To daydream is not just to fail to pay attention to the outside world; it is to shift our attention to internal stimuli.” (Garance Coggins)
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Edited and produced by Scott Lamb & Harris Sockel
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