The problem with bringing your “whole self” to work

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Also today: Storytelling tips from a lawyer, rattlesnake facts, and how to avoid awkward meeting endings
By Carly Rose Gillis

If you have a “desk job,” employee culture surveys are a fact of life. One common question in these surveys is: “Do you feel like you can bring your whole self to work?”

This question has often perplexed me. Is my whole self truly relevant for my job? Do employers mean that I should intertwine my personal and professional lives, or are they interested in my well-being beyond my job description?

In “Rethinking bring your ‘whole self’ to work,” Kem-Laurin Lubin, Ph.D-C, explains how an overinflation of openness and transparency in company culture can backfire. Beyond the fact that, for many, aspects of their “whole selves” may be dangerous to share due to stigmatization or discrimination, aligning one’s identity with their workplace can be dangerous to one’s mental health.

Lubin relates this idea to her work studying Meta’s “oversimplified approach to the concept of ‘friendship’ in their platform design… exposing users’ private lives without adequate user interface controls for privacy management.” Just as Facebook made “friendship” lose its meaning, so too an “open book” culture without boundaries can cheapen the kind of individual authenticity that workplaces need to thrive.

Her alternative: “Ultimately, the healthiest approach is to bring your best self to work — a version of you that is professional, respectful, and engaged, yet maintains healthy boundaries between personal and professional life.”

What do you think about being your “best” vs. “whole” self at work? Which self do you bring to work?

What else we’re reading

• When one of my colleagues shared “10 Important Things to Look for in a Rattlesnake Fence Provider” with me, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I found this story extremely readable, fascinating, and empathy-expanding. I learned that rattlesnakes are the only snakes to really be concerned about when it comes to residential safety (#notallsnakes!), and how reputable rattlesnake removal companies also offer additional services, such as a snake identification hotline (!!) and biologists on staff. But, there is also plenty that reinforces best practices when it comes to hiring a service of any kind: such as being wary of large up-front deposits and not being shy about asking for qualifications or certifications.
• In “I Hope My Dad Dies Today,” writer Jonnah Dayuta bravely shares her experience in hospice with her dying father. For many who have been in a similar situation, this story normalizes an all too familiar feeling: the heartbreaking wish for the end to come when a loved one is stuck in limbo between life and death.
• Steven Toews, JD, MBA, teaches us how to tell a story like a lawyer. One of his recommendations is to be strategic about what you choose to repeat throughout your story — repetition is a powerful tool that can not just teach, but influence the reader’s perceptions or connotations of characters. “Looping, for example, is the common cross-examination technique of ‘carrying’ a damaging phrase (like you would a remainder when calculating a sum) used by the witness into future questions, hammering the point home by repetition.”

Your daily dose of practical wisdom (about ending meetings thoughtfully)

Avoid presumptively closing down meetings. “Always ask, genuinely, if everyone has been heard then ask permission to begin to close down a discussion,” writes former Microsoft executive Steven Sinofsky in his brilliantly exhaustive guide to meetings.

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Edited and produced by Scott Lamb, Harris Sockel, & Jon Gluck

Questions, feedback, or story suggestions? Email us: tips@medium.com