On good, bad, and confusing communication

🕜 70% of people say they’ve personally wasted time due to communication issues at work
Issue #119: what good communication looks like, how journalists should inoculate us from authoritarianism, and why leaving your job is a good way to get a raise
By Zulie @ Medium

Anyone who’s ever tried to negotiate a pay raise, break up with a partner, or even tell a friend they have something in their teeth knows communication is tough. This seems like a design flaw, considering we’re a species that evolved to say things to each other (although scientists don’t know when talking was invented). But I bet you can easily name a time you struggled to communicate something or were the recipient of bad communication.

Communication doesn’t necessarily fall into a good-bad dichotomy — just different, which we interpret as bad because we just don’t get it. I discovered this for myself when I moved to England for college — it took me a while to understand that the not-so-gentle bullying I received from my new British friends was actually a form of affection!

Even within the same country and between two people who love and want to understand each other, communication styles can differ, causing issues. Writer Citizen Reader found that her ‘cooperative overlapping’ style of talking was interpreted by her husband as just straight-up rude interruptions, she shares. (You might remember this story from a previous issue, but it’s such a great example I wanted to highlight it again here.)

Different styles don’t mean you have to settle for bad communication forever. “One way I’ve pledged to improve our communication is to make more of an effort to allow for space in conversations,” Citizen Reader concludes. On my side, I got used to the bullying, learned how to deliver some “banter” of my own, and occasionally asked my friends to take it a little easier on me and my delicate feelings.

We can all name what bad communication looks and feels like, but it’s trickier to define good communication. I liked former AVP of engineering Vinita’s concrete tips to nail tough conversations, and I think they’re widely applicable to any time you want to say something important. “Keep it short. Say what you have to say without beating around the bush. You must be specific to help them understand your concern without drowning them in unnecessary information,” she writes. I also loved her piece on how to disagree with someone more powerful than you. “You can start by asking: I share a different point of view. Would you be willing to hear it?”

What else we’re reading

• Have you seen those weird, obviously AI-generated book ads on your Kindle? Author Markham Heid has been spotting them, too, and he writes about what it all means in his piece on our AI-infested future.
• I also occasionally get ads to participate in well-funded sleep studies, and I have to admit to curiosity. What could it be like? Writer and educator Jan M Flynn has done four, and shares her experiences in trying to uncover what is causing her, like 50 to 70 million other Americans, to sleep so poorly — which can increase the risk of heart disease, high blood pressure, kidney disease, diabetes, stroke, obesity, depression, and dementia.
• Digital governance expert Alex Howard shares specific ways journalists can act as an immune system for democracy. My favorite tip was: “Verify everything — and everyone. Beware manipulated media & cheapfakes, or a single source on social media; Be skeptical of what’s ‘trending.’” I would argue his tips apply to anyone who shares or consumes information online, which is most of us.

Your daily dose of practical wisdom: Want a pay raise? Leave your job.

Loyalty doesn’t get you very far, money-wise, writes HR employee Epiphany. “The most recent hires are almost always paid at the highest rate because they need to attract people at the current market rate.” And when you’re negotiating your salary at the new job? Ask for the most. “It is critical that you get the max from the start. EVERYTHING Is based on your salary. Your merit increases, promotions, and bonuses are all calculated as a percentage of your salary.”

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Edited and produced by Harris Sockel, Scott Lamb, & Carly Rose Gillis

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